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No don't bother trying to make Haskell relevant. Let it remain a functional programming torture course for university computer science programs.
What! I loved my func prog class with Haskell
Should be mandatory
Funny how you mention it is a functional programming torture course, but the Parquet writer introduced in this article is written in a highly imperative style. I have not seen this much IORefs and MutableByteArrays in recent memory.