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Loved this read and perspective.
Been sober myself for about three years now and it wasn’t hardly as difficult as I used to tell myself.
Here’s to another year!
When did "sober" take over from "teetotal" for someone who will long-term abstain from alcohol?
I'm sober right now but won't be tonight when I have a couple of glasses of wine in front of the TV.
"Sober" is commonly used by recovering/recovered alcoholics to mean they are no longer drinking. It implies that they were drinking too much, to the point where intoxication was a semi-permanent state. I've heard the word used this way for decades and I'm pretty sure it goes back farther.
Twelve-step groups have been using ''sober'' and ''sobriety'' for almost 100 years. In this day and age its surprising to see some confusion about what those terms can mean.
"Sober" in this context means "having overcome a dangerous alcohol habit/addiction". Pretty standard alcoholic terminology. Furthermore, much as they might enjoy a drink, alcoholics who have "gone sober" MUST abstain, as alcoholism is seen as lifelong once acquired and the risk of lapsing into self-destructive behavior is too great after even just one drink.
"Teetotaler" usually refers to a person who abstains from alcohol on general principles (does not like the effects, taste, thinks it's a moral vice, etc.).
I think this ought to be the goal with any important (but well-defined & bounded) venture in life: own it so thoroughly that it becomes routine, uninteresting, assumed, and boring.
When it has become boring, it no longer consumes brainspace, freeing you to pursue further goals. It effectively has become part of the platform upon which you implement the specifics of your life.
Three years. You really need to be your own person to handle it, given how alcohol hasn't just permeated the fabric of society, but is the fabric in many situations. For me being available to perform at the top of my game 24/7 is something I enjoy very much e.g. getting a call to do a mercy flight at a moments notice from the island I live on, at night in IMC, knowing it's no problem because I'm sharp - now that's a great feeling.
I think if you're going to go sober, doing something like volunteer fire or another field that lets you feel good about being available 24/7 when others might not be, really helps keep you motivated and appreciate the new state of being. Also just pushing yourself mentally or physically - e.g. training for a marathon or ironman - it lets you actually reap the rewards rather than feel like you've lost something.
Just going to throw out a follow-up here since I own a bar and work barman to fill shifts from time to time:
Athletic IPA or hazy IPA are my favorite NA beers. Athletic does a spectacular job of NA in general. Also Guiness NA - the can with the blue stripe on top - absolutely delicious. Also Bitburger 0.0% is pretty good. Really don't like Heiniken or the other mainstream beer brands that have checked the NA box.
As far as NA cocktails go I really like anything with Cayenne in it or a bit of spicy or sour. Kombuchas are also great for sipping I find. I must warn against Pathfinder NA spirit - I don't know what they put in it and if you read the ingredients I'm not even sure they know - but I've noticed a mental fuzziness the next day that I don't care for.
Also if you are bar staff and someone orders an NA they may want it in a glass even if you serve cans, so that others don't realize they're not drinking. As a non-drinker it's super nice to be able to stand in a group with a glass of beer without any questions. This works particularly well if it's a trade/industry event where the group doesn't know you and they're all using booze as a social lubricant. I'm a little sneaky in this respect because I'll go to the bar solo, grab myself a NA beer in a glass and I've been in groups where they're exchanging drinking stories and I'm just like "uh, yup, cool man."
If you're curious how one can work bar while being a non-drinker i.e. how do you know what you're serving? In Washington state it's illegal to drink while serving bar, so our team tastes and spits when needed. I do the same - so I'm basically tasting drinks for customers e.g. making sure wine isn't corked, making sure a cocktail is made well - but spitting and after 3 years just have absolutely no inclination or desire to swallow any alcohol anyway. But as I said, any barman in this state has to be a non-drinker on the job so it works out.
I've never found a NA wine I care for. Would be great if an Athletic-like brand emerges in that space. LMK if you're aware of one.
I don't know how easy it is to find in the US, but I tried French Bloom while visiting Marseille and found it to be a great NA wine.
First, congratulations on three years clean. I respect anyone who can cut things out that they find problematic for them. However, the framing of alcohol as a social necessity isn't really true anymore. Alcohol consumption is in a widely publicized decline and alcohol companies (similar to mobile games in this regard) are aware the majority of their revenue comes from anti-social heavy drinkers. Just about the only circles I'm aware of that still run on booze are college greek life.
Going on almost 2 years sober here and I don't regret it. I have an NA beer or alcohol-removed wine maybe 1x/every other week or so and it's a much healthier relationship overall, totally agree with the sentiment of "mornings under control"...and just every more so!
I am "sober" no idea for how long. Alcohol never was important or a regular thing for me, stopping to use it was just a natural extension from getting an adult
The biggest advice I can give to someone is that you have to replace the alcohol with something else. For me and a lot of other people it’s weightlifting or running. That’s what I look forward to instead of having a beer. In my specific case I got AllTrails and then made it a goal to “collect” as many different runs as possible by getting a verified complete on those trails. I now have 400+ unique, verified complete trails on my app now.
Probably the most interesting concept in there was how the author admits that Alcohol was a "net-positive" in life. Which adds a whole different flavor to the article. The decision to stop drinking alcohol takes a different meaning when a person can be intellectually honest about the situation.
I'm personally interested in society's relationship with alcohol now. There has been a huge change over the last decade and I don't think anyone fully understands it. Alcohol consumption is down from what I understand, but so is ALL risk-seeking behavior - which can include things like pursuing romantic relationships and starting businesses. Meanwhile there is a massive downturn in psychological well being.
Does anyone have any unbiased studies on this phenomenon? Has there been a more thorough investigation on the matter?
Alcohol was a net-positive in so many ways for me. I talk more about that aspect in the 6 month post here: https://www.bobbytables.io/p/six-months-sober
I am fortunate enough to where alcohol has never been much of a vice for me; I never got to a level that anyone would call me an "alcoholic" though I think I was getting a little close to that after I had a pretty bad breakup when I was 22.
About three years ago I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and decided that that was as good an excuse as any to draw a line in the sand and stop drinking for good. It's not like alcohol is good for me, and I also kind of realized that I only ever enjoyed being drunk about 1/10th of the time. The remaining 9/10th I feel like I either just get really sleepy or really sad.
I had exactly one drink in 2024 during Halloween, but other than that I haven't had anything since September of 2023. I don't really miss it, and quitting alcohol took very little effort on my end. Quitting caffeine on the other hand...
How coincidental this appears on my timeline today, it's my 12th year sober today. I started drinking heavily when I turned 21 and it spiraled until an all day, every day thing. I even had pancreatitis when I was 28 and even when it was obvious why I just refused to see it. One night when I was 30, a drunk family member got into a physical altercation with me and I asked a friend to pick me up so I could leave. On that trip, he simply said "have you ever considered that you might be an alcoholic?" I don't know what was different about this time, but I immediately realized it -- holy shit. I never drank again after that.
Once I quit I immediately was "my old self" again. I got back into playing video games, listening to MY music instead of whatever was palatable to whomever I was drinking with, dedicating all my time and energy into my kids and my nerdy hobbies.
It might come across as silly but, if you have someone close to you who has a drinking problem, it might be worth asking them about it. They probably won't be receptive to it until the time is right, but who knows? Maybe that time is when they ask for a ride from you at 2AM.